She Carries It All Interview Series - Sustainabub x Nathalie Scott
Tell us who you are — not just as a mum, but as a person.
My name is Nathalie - aside from a mum, I am a fiancee (v soon to be wife), a sister, a daughter and a friend. I am a lover of the arts and all things psychological and astrological.
Walk us through a typical week — what does life actually look like?
My weeks are totally full at the moment. On a Monday, I work in a GP as a therapist-in-training. Tuesdays are full days in uni, then I work in retail management Wednesday-Saturday. Sundays are my only day to catch up on housework and life admin. At the time of this interview, I am 14 days away from my wedding, so I’ve been planning that in and around mothering and assignment-writing.
What did you find out about yourself when things got really hard?
That’s a great question. I found out how little we actually need to survive. Possessions are nice but they mean nothing. I discovered I am much more resilient than I previously thought.
What has been the hardest moment on your journey and how did you come through it?
In all honesty, there have been quite a few. I would have to say the hardest part was having to leave my home with my daughter, when she was 5 years old, halfway through the pandemic. We truly had nothing and got by solely due to the kindness of others. I remember when she and I were staying with a good friend; I had very little money at the time, I was on a furloughed part-time wage and still having to pay for a property I didn’t have access to. I took her to the beach close by nearly every day just for something to keep her occupied. She wanted an ice cream from the van and I had no money to get it for her. Saying no to her for something like that broke me and I vowed from that day forward that we would never be in that situation ever again.
I have always made sure I have ice cream money ever since.
How has becoming a mum changed who you are?
Entirely. I became a mum at 20 years old. The news was not received well and I was forced to leave my family home in order to continue the pregnancy. At the time, I believed I was mature but in hindsight, I was really a vulnerable young person. Becoming a mother calls you to erase the majority of yourself and devote it entirely to this other human being. That said, I wouldn’t change it for the world. It has been my life’s joy to watch my daughter grow and I know I was made to be her mother for a reason. As a mother, you also become a manager. You manage all the appointments, you know the school dinner menu inside out, you must stay on top of the ever evolving clothes and shoe sizes. You must remember that just because she said she liked sausage rolls last week doesn’t mean she will this week. You learn to adapt daily.
What do you want your children to learn from watching you?
I want my daughter to know she is always free and that her voice is powerful. She can always move, she can always leave. I want her to know she can change her mind at any stage and that I will always be beside her. She can be many things at once.
What's a story from life as a mum that every time you think of it, you laugh?
I remember when my daughter was approx 2 or 3 years old, I got the insides of my fingers tattooed (extremely painful). The next day, we were going out with my father. I hadn’t mentioned the tattoos to my extremely old-fashioned dad and I asked Maiya not to either. As I was buckling her into his car, I went “ow!” as the belt rubbed against my fresh tattoo. Maiya said, at the top of her little voice, well within my father’s earshot, “WHAT’S WRONG MUMMY, DID THAT HURT YOUR NEW TATTOOS???”
What keeps you going when you don't want to?
Another great question. This arises regularly as I always feel exhausted. I think I have a vision and it sounds cliche but I'm the only one that can get myself there - I must put the work in. I have an exceptionally supportive fiance who can tell when I’m running on fumes and he always cushions the fall. Thanks to him, I get the breathing space to reassess and align again with the goal.
Tell us what you're doing right now that you're most excited about.
Right now, I am finalising wedding plans and working towards the completion of a psychotherapy degree. I’m excited for the wedding, to marry The Greatest Of All Time and also to finish this degree, which has felt long and arduous but ultimately will be extremely worthwhile.
What made you take the leap and actually do it?
When I consider the “it” in the question, I think of two things.
The first is when I made the decision to become a young mum. Hearing my daughter’s heartbeat and seeing the tiny wriggling shadow on the monitor hit me like a train and I knew this would be my path.
The other is the decision to become a psychotherapist when I myself, live with chronic, clinical depression. Psychology has always fascinated me and I have a natural desire to help people. It was a few of my closest friends and also my fiance who really pushed me to apply for the degree. I went for the interviews, not expecting much but here I am 3 years later, almost finished.
What advice would you give to a mum who is standing where you were a few years ago?
This question actually made me emotional but it’s important. I think I would tell her to just stop and feel it all. I have spent nearly all of my daughter’s childhood in survival mode and I remember very little of it. I’d warn her of that and urge her to try and remain present because the days may be long but the years are short.
What inspires you right now?
My future self. I have a vision of the person/mother/wife I want to be and I made sure that every action and decision I make lines up with that. If it doesn’t - it’s not for me.
What's the proudest mum moment you've had so far?
Genuinely, I have many. I think any time I see my daughter show natural, unprompted kindness and manners. One that springs to mind is a day that she and I were out with Neil’s mum and grandmother - who suffers from dementia. My daughter was maybe 7 years old so I gave her a child-appropriate description of what dementia is and what it means. Without anyone asking her to, Maiya would get Eleanor in and out of the car, slowly walk with her and say things like “take your time, I’m here”.
I remember a more recent occasion too. Maiya was selected to be a guide for her school’s open night. Neil and I picked her up and as we were leaving the car park, another car stopped us. It turns out these were parents who were viewing the school with their child, who is autistic. The parents said they wanted to let us know how wonderful Maiya was with their child and that she was a credit it us. The school told me the next day that another mother had also phoned them to compliment Maiya’s behaviour.
As a mother, I’d much prefer to hear testimonies like that, than for her to receive the highest grades of the class. Whilst that would still be an achievement, I have instilled into her that it is kindness that makes the world go round, not test results.
Why do you do what you do? When easier, more simple options were available. What is the "why" behind it all that you are trying to satisfy?
Wow. This one has me thinking.
Career-wise, I want to help people. I know first hand what the other side is like and how debilitating it is. Unfortunately, society’s systems aren't designed to facilitate poor mental health. We are told we must keep going, and even if we weren’t, we still have to keep a roof over our heads so what choices do we realistically have? It’s only in recent years that heads have turned in the right direction but there is still a lot of work to be done. If I can be part of pushing the momentum then I’ll consider that a success.
In terms of mothering and running a home - I had to ask my daughter and fiance how they would describe this. Neil said “fair and concise, and with love”. Maiya said “fun, funny and kind”. Why do I operate that way? So that when my daughter grows up, she knows that she can always tell me what’s happening with her. I want her to know that even if it makes me cross, it’s still better to have me on her side. I want her to know what a healthy home dynamic looks like. Her stepfather, Neil and I put a lot of effort into keeping the atmosphere calm in our home and if there ever is a trivial dispute, she sees the repair. We do not slam doors and we avoid raising voices. I want her to see there are far better ways to efficiently communicate that don’t involve aggression and that love is patient and understanding.